The ALP Circus

Shooting Yourself In The Foot With Blanks

After weeks of destablising, it’s come to this. The clamouring for a leadership change became intolerable so Simon Crean decided there ought to be a spill; Julia Gillard called for a 4:30pm meeting for a ballot and at 4:21pm, Kevin Rudd said he’s not going to contest. So, Simon Crean ended up losing his ministry and going to the backbench without getting to contest anything, and Julia Gillard unanimously stayed Prime Minister.

And we the people of Australia sat and wondered how on earth this hellish turn was supposed to end. This is torture. Torture! The United Nations prohibits torture and here we are suffering at the hands of our own politicians we elected. It’s a bit of a quandary what this is supposed to mean, “moving forwards”, as Julia Gillard is wont to say.

None of this is new. This was the way it was last year. Kevin Rudd didn’t and doesn’t have the numbers to return as Prime Minister. This might even be the end until after the next election where the ALP will be belted out of Parliament by an angry electorate. The worst thing is that Tony Abbott… yadda yadda yadda… you know the rest. We’re so brutalised by all this we’re letting the hung Parliament turn into the dying days of the Weimar Republic when Hitler made his move. It’s a hideous prospect, but it’s true. There’s nothing reasonable about Tony Abbott. He’s going to be a disaster. And the ALP is decidedly going to continue sending out Julia Gillard as their Leader – all with her 31% primary vote support – to try and stop Tony Abbott.

Am I meant to feel pity? Is this their ruse?

Look, I’m still going to Donkey Vote on 14th September. The only choice I can think of is whether I draw a smiling pig on the ballot paper or an ejaculating penis. I cannot in all conscience bring myself to vote for any of these mongrels. The only way I would consider voting for the ALP is if they removed Julia Gillard – which is what the polls have been saying for weeks; and now that they’ve unanimously decided they’re keeping her, I’m left with the artistic choice between the pig and the penis drawings.

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